Rawalpindi Guice: My foot slipped between two slick stones and I fell into the stream.

Tonight, while I sip wine from a teacup in my lair and maneuver my Roomba through a knife fight with the neighbor's cat, a plan is quietly hatching. Chicago will wake up tomorrow completely unsuspecting. But you, sir, have a unique opportunity to learn why I need to freeze 80 gallons of jello, inflate a bouncy castle, and acquire seven pounds of assorted sized gears. Reply to this ad with your plans for world domination, your ideal lair, what you're looking for in a partner in crime, and your latest arrest photo. If I like what I see, we can meet incognito to discuss future plans and work on our maniacal laughs.

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